Anger Is Not A Dirty Word
Anger Is A Valuable Tool For Self Expression
Anger allows us to be clear about what we Do and Do Not Prefer in our lives.
- 1. Not getting needs met
- 2. Violation of trust or integrity.
- 3. Lack of information.
- 4. Unexpected change.
- 5. Unexpressed fears.
- 6. Unfulfilled expectations.
- 7. Not having a choice.
Reasons For Not Expressing Anger
- 1. Feeling out of control
- 2. Fear of the unknown
- 3. Lack of affection or self-worth
- 4. Lack of attention or feeling left out
- 5. Not experiencing Love
- 6. Feeling abandoned
- 7. Fear of things not working out
- 8. Feeling powerless
- 9. Not feeling valued
- 10. Not being listened to or understood
The Purpose of Expressing Anger is...
"To Produce a Change In Awareness and Behavior"
- (1) Expressing Anger when it is first experienced is a valuable expression of Self Love.
- (2) Express Anger the instant that you recognize you feel it to the person with whom you are angry.
- (3) Be specific about what makes you angry. Be clear about what you want changed.
- (4) Express Anger as a statement. Then request a change. An example is: I was Angry that you did or did not do... and I would like you to do... from now on, are you willing to meet my request ?
- (5) Intense Anger is the result of unrecognized and unexpressed fears.
- (6) Anger reveals what is wanted or not wanted in a relationship, and, when expressed, allows for change.
How To Express Anger Effectively
- 1. State, I Am Angry.
- 2. State specifically what was done or not done that made you angry.
- 3. Tell them clearly what you want to Change.
- 4. Ask if they will do or stop doing something.
- 5. Dis-cover by asking, if they are interested, willing, and able to meet your request.
- 6. Allow them to choose yes or no to a request and then be OK with either answer.
- 7. Ask them what they need from you to be able to meet your needs.
- 8. Make a new agreement. Include the exact date and time the new agreement begins.
- 9. After they meet your request. Thank them.
When people promise to keep an agreement and, then, they do not, first dis-cover what they thought the agreement was. Did lack of information, ability, or desire prevent them from keeping their word ? If they forgot, or remembered and chose not to keep their agreement, Covert Anger is being expressed.
Covertly angry people demonstrate Anger indirectly in words, actions, or non-actions, i.e talking under their breath, forgetting a message, being late for an appointment, getting hurt, being helpless, not understanding, etc. Expressing Anger covertly and withholding Anger creates emotional distancing and dis-harmony.
Valuable Information On Emotions
- (1) Withholding Anger gives the illusion of control. In reality, you give away your power of choice to others.
- (2) Each of us has the right to choose to accept or reject Love.
- (3) Recognizing, valuing, and being able to meet our own needs is an important step in being independent and Self-Loving.
- (4) Allowance and acceptance of choices are the first steps in Self-Love.
- (5) A request allows a person to say NO.
- (6) Expectations limit the awareness of available choices. Needs change all the time.
- (7) Judgment and expectation result from, and express Anger and Fear.
- (8) When a person is unwilling to meet needs, unexpressed Anger may be blocking the experience and expression of Love.
- (9) Trust that we know best what is true for us.
- (10) What we see in others is a reflection of our Self, Aspects that we prefer, and aspects of our Self that we do not prefer.
- (11) One person cannot Love another person sufficiently to make up for that person's lack of Self-Love or Self-acceptance.
- (12) Our first responsibility is to Love our Self. Only then will we have sufficient Love to share with others.
- (13) Non-conditional Love is a gift given without expectations or judgments.
CHOOSING TO EXPERIENCE LOVE
By living in the Now ( present moment ) and expressing our emotions as they occur, our reservoir of unexpressed Anger and Fear may not be triggered or replenished.
As these Angry and Fear-full emotional energies and experiences are not replenished, our ability to use our old storehouse of Anger and Fear as a resource to maintain self-limiting behaviors is diminished. We begin to re-act with less Anger and Fear in our daily lives. We begin to experience the ability to choose to inter-act rather than to have to automatically re-act to people and experiences.
As our constant mind-chatter begins to fade away, it becomes easier to hear and follow our inner- voice of Knowingness and Self-Love. We begin experiencing more Love with our Self and others.
Asking for what we want reduces the need for Anger and control in our lives and allows us to be open to Love. Allowing our Self to Love and be loved reveals old limiting Beliefs such as I am not loved or loveable, and I don't deserve Love. This Belief has influenced most choices we have made in our lives.
As the release and expression of Anger to experience Love Transforms The Fear of Being Loved into the Reality of I Am Love and Love-Able, we begin acting in accordance with our new Belief that says, I Deserve Love, to Love, and to be Loved.